Full Embodied Woman

crown jewells

I’ve been thinking a lot about the worship of women
by women to themselves.
to their sisters
by their lovers and
the worship of the divine woman.

Treating me like a Queen, like a Goddess, comes so easily for my man. He is in fact, the most sincerely reverent man I have ever met. And the level of devotional care and appreciation I receive from him has a profoundly deep impact on the way I see and experience myself. He fills my love tank as well as encouraging my self love well. I find it easier to love myself when I am accepted and down right worshiped by him. { I am talking about him because I am in a relationship with him- it could just as easily be a “her” story I am telling} But there is something, I think about the masculine being devotional towards to feminine, that has its own type of healing. Healing of the division that has been created over thousands of years through misunderstanding and blindness. Healing of my own separation from myself.

To treat myself as a queen had to come first, at least a little chink in the doorway. I did not love myself to the extent I do now, but I did have to be on the way there in some small way, because I am telling you, you have to be willing to receive all that devotional love that comes flooding in. Crack the door open. If I didn’t love myself and care deeply for myself then it would be easy to push away that love, or not be able to see the offering that is coming my way. I have to open my heart wider every day to get past my woundings that say I need to earn it or I can’t have ALL of it.


Then there is the love of myself by myself. When did that start happening? Actually it would be truer to ask, when did it stop? Babies don’t, not love themselves, nor young children. There is a moment, dozens of tiny moments when as a small child, I made decisions about who I was and who I wasn’t in this world. Then I went about the rest of my life staking evidence into each pile in a very uneven way. What I wasn’t hurt, I hurt, like humans tend to do over such things. It would be wonderful stop the tide of that, but I think it is part of human nature, part of the individuation process.

So I loved myself in parts, quarter measures, and over the years that well has been tidal in its fullness. Overtime I started to see myself as a prayer, as a gift, as some one deeply worthwhile of my attention, time and care. Becoming a mother was part of that learning for me. I was as sweet as my children once and I am as interesting and divine as they are to me. Strange but true, having the courage to leave my marriage was the beginning of a whole new world of self care. There were days where I was rock bottom, dried up and cracked, but I landed into a world where I was treasured and I could see the ways others treasured me also. I could see again, I didn’t hurt so much.

Self care is a full measured act of self love in my world. It is the Holi and wholistic care of me. It is a vast well to explore that has no end. It is not like you paint a house and come back and paint it again in 10 years. It is more like doing the dishes, washing the clothes and cleaning the house. Deep self care is never ending, nor should it be, because it can feel so good. Generate such potency, such clarity and so much juiciness in life that you become a gym junkie to your own self nurturance.

Choosing to define myself as a Queen, as a Goddess, as a Treasure, as a Full Embodied Woman has helped me to unshackle from shame of my gender, shame of my beauty, shame of my sensual and erotic nature. Spending time in the company and devotional care of men that see the divinity in my womanliness has healed my places of separation, not good enough-ness and allowed me to see myself in a mirror that is so much kinder and great-full than I have been to myself. The river flows towards me, through me and from me.

I am a shard of the great divine feminine. Mary, Pavartti, Kali, Quan Yin, Athena, they all flow through my blood, and how I devote my heart to my own love is how I honour all the women that I share this world with. The ones that trudged for my freedom, that screamed for my right to my body, that were crucified for their intuition. The ones that walked the earth as Queens and Goddeses before me, that bore babies, healed mens wounds, stoked the fire of families and the ones that galvanised by their heart, went out and changed everything. I am the portal of worship to all that womanliness that has walked this planet and I am a wayseer for all the women that will walk this earth after I am dust under their feet.

I am the throne and the queen that sits in the throne,
I am the altar and the goddess that stands tall upon it.


Love Lotus Indigo Shakti Kruse

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