It is a stunning day where I live today. Not a day to want to bum people out at all with some hard core current reality.
But what is on my mind if you want to read along…….. I am feeling alot of grief running through my body this morning. There are stories many of us may be aware of that have been going on in the world. They go on all – the – time. Every minute of the day and we know it. When I read the other day about Sarah Everard, I literally had to pretend I didn’t read it like I have to pretend to not know other stories on other days. Today I am feeling it. If you don’t know what happened to her look it up if you can take it.
But sadly as significant as her precious life is, there are so so many other women every day that we do not hear about and let’s acknowledge that black women, brown women, trans women, other minority women, sex workers do not get a headline in the paper. If we put a headline for every one of them there would be no room for the sports section in the news paper.
This is what I know and it is a hard truth to acknowledge. I have been vigilant my whole life. I have normalised this vigilance. I have internalised my fear and caution. I have rearranged myself to compensate for situations, gone along with things out of freeze, worked my way of of ‘predicaments’ as a younger woman.
Women’s adrenals are shot even before they do anything strenuous because they are born into a hostile environment.
When I was 17 I started therapy and thank secular god for that. I have done my fucking lion share of work. So many women have. I have resisted every step of the way being sucked into the gaslighting industry of the new age and post new age movement that spreads love and light bullshit everywhere and individuates the ‘lessons’ with fucking bumper stickers that are the microphone of the predatorial landscape. I could never put my finger on what was off about it but I am crystal fucking clear now.
And the personal dilemma for me is that working with women on trauma, abuse, divorce, separation, child support, just being a woman is both the best experience { I LOVE IT } and it can be incredibly taxing because we come up against that old chestnut again and again and again… that women have to work so fucking hard to orientate themselves in a hostile world.
I know other women who work and live with this lived experience and narrative and find it as equally exhausting, having to put the story down from time to time because it is too heavy on our backs.
That is what is running through my system this morning. And like most if not all women, we have to go into a cognitive dissonance to get out of bed and get on with our beautiful Sunday, leaving a trail of abused, raped and murdered women in our wake as we head out to the local cafe for a Chai, because how else are we supposed to go on. And yet still in the central motherboard of us is a GPS that is working overtime in the background to scan the environment for safety and threat whilst we are walking the beach with our mandatory wing woman or driving at night.
And women know it. We know it even if we do not talk about it.
Much Love ❥ Lotus


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