This past year has lead me to a place of feeling like Raw Clay. Scraped from the cool ground and piled, still and waiting. I have felt dissolved of who I thought I was, dispelled of the arrogance that I can harness the storm. Revealed to be full of vulnerability and yearning for my true family of wolves. I have seen how much I need to continue to return to the mountain and the long walk to return so romantic in its notion, requires the grit of the dirt of the earth.
” It is worse to stay where one does not belong at all than to wander about lost for a while and looking for the psychic and soulful kinship one requires”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés
My bones have not been pecked clean yet. There is more carcass to go. so I have learnt a new way of being. To be still in the waiting place, surrendered to all but my truth as it all bottoms out around me. To dive deep down into the underbelly of things. My centre has been off kilter, spinning counter to my soul. I have re-membered how to lean into the wind. I have been loved and loved and loved and loved. It has kept me alive and asked more of me then I thought was in its job description.
I have left over and over again and been left by things, it turned out were not mine in the first place and I have found something far more powerful in the giving up security. I have found a resilience in me that I never knew I had. I have discovered what David Whyte calls, ‘living into the more beautiful questions.”
What if none of this were true, what then ?
– Lotus Kruse