The Universe Has Left the Building


My flow has been hijacked. My capacity to hold complexity has been held hostage. Its all jacked up, jammed up, locked up. I keep looking for the lock, the trick, the key. I mean, I am a smart woman, I’ve done my work and again and again my work to clear it up, clean it up, put it down and leave it out and like a shadow on a sunny day, I turn around and there it is.

I take things personally, like the check out at the supermarket being broken is a sign, the delayed plane is my punishment for not taking an earlier flight. After all, maybe you didn’t realise this, but the airline pilot is my unwitting persecutor. Suddenly I start believing in Arthurian legends with a new vigour. Should I call up for pizza home delivered by a templars knight riding in his mothers borrowed four cylinder zip around. Then I remember that the pizza delivery guys are not old enough to shave, let alone save my damsel ass.

I decide a shower will fix everything so I turn the taps only to find cold is on the menu today which seems fitting for the theme. I could look at the bright side and be happy it is not winter, but I actually don’t really care enough to look for silver linings in the bathroom. I look for a map in the glove box to see what part of the Sheros journey I am on. Have I taken the high road or am I passing through the abyss:I kinda know that I am in a cyclical death and rebirth in layers but I wonder if I can just do it once and be done with it. If I subscribe to Atonement can I get a discount for bulk? I check the weather app to see if my mood will lift. A hot westerly wind is rolling in, followed by a ice cold front. Might be best to slide under the sheets, lifting them high above my head and see if I can ride it out.

The clock says 2.35pm. My son needs picking up from school so I put the idea of cocooning under Egyptian cotton out of my mind and grab my bag and keys… keys… where are the keys. fifteen minutes later and they reveal themselves. Not a good day for hide and seek, cause my keys just want to really push my limits today. just for the fun of it. I find the capacity to even take my car keys personally. I think to myself “your not present Lotus, get present” then the other one that is in there replies “no shit Sherlock, present doesn’t feel good today”.

Now the euphoric anticipation kicks in about the idea that something else is guaranteed to fuck up today, in honour of me. I feel a new found hope in this realisation. I wonder to myself, will the Universe accept an I- owe- you?. It hits me what a regressive way of thinking that is. Now days I can put it on credit card, {which is an I-owe-u but with a whole lot more punch or accumulated karma to keep the game rolling along}. My future self shouts back from her distance up ahead “leave me out if it, I don’t want the baggage.” It does not desire the interest that would be accrued. I figure if my past is coming to bite me on the ass I might just offer the other cheek. Do some spiritual Twerking.

So the Universe has left the building today hey! I contemplate if it is having a nice time in my favourite cafe sipping on Chai without me, glint in its eye, knowing that this trial is sent to stretch me into a more expanded version of myself. But before I can get all new age on my sorry self, the sinister, more playful version of me hatches a better plan.

I hope they burn the fucking milk!

– Lotus Kruse

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