Sometimes all the self help in the world just gets in the way. We use it as another way to be unkind to ourselves with thoughts of all the ways we are wrong. We get a sort of positive thinking impatience about us and we come crashing down in self judgement for all the ways we should be better behaved.
“I’m supposed to be bigger then this, more evolved, more enlightened, more graceful, able to handle defeat and loss easier then this. I am supposed to have resources or skills to equip me for this.”
Then a voice cuts through the noise with the clarity and absoluteness of one that knows better. Your inner sage takes her turn and firmly states ” No you are not.” And that is it. You then lean into it and learn something you have never known before.
When your heart is breaking, let it break. Stay there and ask it to go all the way. Don’t shy away. Stand guard over it’s breaking and don’t be hurried. Be witness to the beauty that transpires in the depth of it. Notice how alive your senses are in that place. Hear the noises off in the distance that you can only hear at that bewitching hour of giving up and letting go. Listen to the sound of your breath as you steal yourself for the next wave and your rib cage is crushed under the weight of your sorrow. Feel the taste of your tears that find their way from your eyes to your lips. Sit in the shape of your body as it concertinas into the tiniest of space in the hope that it will be picked up by a bird and flown away. Explore the basement of your soul in all its darkness and dampness, with its shoeboxes full of other secret sorrows stacked in the corner. Fall all the way in, all the way down.
Take it all as a monumental feat of loving kindness for being human and having a heart and let it break. See it as an unfurling into an expansive aliveness. When you know you have come to your limit, there is no where else to go but into the eye of the storm. As afraid as you are, it will show you the way if you trust the braveness of your soul.
“The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong at the broken places.” – Ernest Hemingway
– Lotus Indigo Shakti