Regret makes a weary warrior
It carves out caverns inside
That echo longings that will never be done
It wishes with candles already blown out
It makes a ghost of this day and the next
You hurt people and you cannot take it back.
We cannot get any of it back
Not one tiny drop
Because life only goes in a forward motion
No matter how hard you strive
To make a time machine of your work
It is lost, like it never happened
Like a mirage in the dry sand
Lost like the jumper you left in the school yard
Your self was harmed by its own hand
Every time you pushed the pain down
like a rock in the deep end of the pool
Deep – end – of – the – pool.
Look up from your watery cave
Hear you heart beat, hear your breath,
People walk on by
No chit chat that makes your skin crawl and your brow sweat
It becomes very quiet under surface
Sometimes peaceful, other times maddening.
You were hurt by another a 100 times before
A long line of girls with swords and boys with guns
A domino of hurts all cascading
Clink, clink, clink
One memory after another, unrelenting, never giving up
Never surrendering with all the ways you did it wrong,
with all the ways you cannot get it right.
It is exhausting and unstoppable.
This mind is a twig, ready to snap,
Ready to devour with a snakes tongue
Wondering which story it can rerun with an alternate ending.
But the reel keeps spinning ever onwards till the credits roll.
We are all but flesh and spirit
we wound each other non stop from birth to death
we scathe ourselves with unkindness
we nock the top off our own healing
we hang ourselves out to dry
And If we are by some bolt of lightning lucky enough
we love and are loved more fiercely.